he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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