I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
