I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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