I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
