i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
