are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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