piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
