What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
