I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
