they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
