I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
