id be glad to
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
