I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
