i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I need water and some morals
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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