you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
