I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize