I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
