God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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