Cold hands, warm shart.
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
