Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize