Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
