im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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