Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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