ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
