Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
