you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
