on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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