Porn is love you can see.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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