But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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