god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
