So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
