I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
