so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
