She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
