Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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