so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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