the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
