He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I cockslap morals
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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