jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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