I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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