tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
True strength comes from lack of pants
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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