I love having hate sex.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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