Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
