I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
