i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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