Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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