apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
