Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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