She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
