i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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