Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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