i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
