omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
