can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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