I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
