we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
