My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
