honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
