he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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