He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
