At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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