I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
