Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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