I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up under a house in Key West
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