Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
