I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
