no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
