I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
