I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
