Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Randomize
