I hate your face
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
