so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
