is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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