I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
