Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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