He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
