I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
