First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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