Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
