ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
