Sry I called you an 8
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
