Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
