those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Im part way to drunk.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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