I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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