I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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