i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
