Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
