I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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