Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How does one acquire holy water?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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